its time to take the turkey out of the oven. its done now.

et voila

Chef i think something terrible has happened

Yes I see the problem here is you cooked the wrong turkey because instead of a regular turkey you cooked the turkey of darkness and you are fired

his coming was foretold in the ancient murals

I'm surprised I haven't seen this on Tumblr yet.

Ten years of having to do it to 'em.

Looks like the years did it to *him*

tumblr user making a post: "damn i love pasta carbonara"

terf blogger in the notes: "Yes, my female brain agrees with this post whole-heartedly! As I read the words of this post, I could feel the eggs in my uterus shifting in their ovaries happily, as my vagina clenched in understanding. This post really made my understanding of the gender binary more concrete, and made me once again so so glad of my womanness"

one of my favourite linguistic phenomena/in-jokes is spanish potato chips being “ham-flavored, probably”

y’see because spain and portugal are so close, labels in stuff like food, shampoo, etc often come in portuguese as well as spanish

this brand of chips, Lay’s, displays the flavor in spanish and portuguese, resulting in ham-flavored chips looking like this:

with “jamón” being spanish and “presunto” being portuguese

however, “presunto” is also a spanish adjective, meaning “presumed” (or suspected)

so you have this in-joke going where spanish chips taste like ham, presumably

You’ve heard of “I can’t believe it’s not butter!” now get ready for “It’s questionable whether or not this is ham”

The Hunger Games has the FUNNIEST arranged marriage of all time btw. Katniss realizes she'll have to marry Peeta and she's obviously upset so Haymitch tries to comfort her by saying "you could do a lot worse" and Katniss is like "well DUH of course I could do worse than Peeta he's the best & handsomest person on the face of the planet but that's not the POINT I want to be able to choose for MYSELF". Then she goes and chooses Peeta anyway lol. Comedy gold I tell you

Must memorialize the tags

people will say "why cant the eldritch gods just be nice to humans :((" and then kill a bug for existing near them

my dearly beloved mutual you cant just leave this in the tags

While exploring a vast and inscrutable city which seems to predate life on earth I am gently picked up by something incomprehensible with the higher-dimensional equivalent of a cup and piece of paper, then lovingly set outside in my natural habitat. Unfortunately the being exists outside of time and can't really tell human cities apart from one another so I appear without warning in ancient sumer.

"I want to live in a world in which teenagers can fulfil their natural purpose of being annoying" and "I do not always want to be annoyed by the teenagers" are compatible sentiments

#I get so happy when I’m annoyed by teenagers in public#because it’s like#these kids are forming communities outside of their parents!#they aren’t shackled by school or soccer or clubs their parents put them in#they have the initiative and confidence to make their own social connections#it’s so so cool that I’m out of touch with what they’re saying and doing#because it means they have lives of their own (tags via @elongated-twink)

You! You are the only person who has correctly understood this post. The point is not that they should go be annoying somewhere else, it's that being annoyed by teenagers in normal public places, while annoying, is a good thing. It is a sign of societal health. We adults just need to be ok with the fact that we're going to be annoyed sometimes.

mistreating him

petting him

sexual knifeplay is indicative of weak character. I could never get aroused from being stabbed because that would mean that I failed to parry it

Doesn't the idea that you've possibly met your match do anything for you, like at all?

no